I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
