He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
