I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
