the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
