God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
