Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
