ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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