He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Found the puke drawer
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
