If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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