i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
