When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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