I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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