I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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