Old men and throwing up are my life now.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
