People with herpes should wear stickers.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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