toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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