You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
