Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
