I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
