Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
