Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
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