My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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