i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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