I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
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