My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Randomize
