i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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