How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Randomize
