you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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