Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
