I don't get it.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?