we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
