Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
