first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
