dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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