Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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