she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
