I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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