ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
