So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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