every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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