Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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