Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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