Fuck appropriateness.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
