dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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