dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
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Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
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Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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