i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
