your room smells of hookers.
And success
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
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I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
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Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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