sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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