you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
