I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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