We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
