i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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