Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yo dont text me then not text me
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
