Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
did i just pee glitter
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
