The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I just want nice things and good sex
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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