this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
