He is such a slut. More and more my type.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
