In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
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Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
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When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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