I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
