If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
