I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
