you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
