i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
