We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
