Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Randomize
