HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
