You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
