If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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