$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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