I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
